‘Twas the night before Meatless Monday, when all through the farm,
not a creature was worried, about coming to harm.
The produce was stocked, in crisping drawers with care,
in the hopes that Low Cholesterol, soon would be there.
The children were hyped, all snug in their beds,
while visions of bean burritos, danc’d in their heads.
And Mama in her flannels, and I in my socks,
had just settled our brains, with some “film” from Redbox.
When out in the garden, there arose such a hoopla,
I sprang up to see who was breaking an HOA bylaw.
Away to the window, I stumbled, raising cane,
pulled open the blinds, and slid open the pane.
The streetlight showed a yard, that badly needed mowing,
illuminating toys, and weeds visibly growing.
When what to my adjusting eyes should I see,
but a miniature grocery cart, and eight little Tofurkies;
with a little ole’ driver, such a healthy fireball,
I knew in a moment, it must be Low Cholesterol.
Even without wings, his coursers they flew,
and he whistled and shouted and called those he knew,
“Now Parsley! Now Sage! Now Rosemary and Tyme!
On Garlic! On Onion! On Cumin and Key Lime!
To the top of the swing set, to the peak of this home,
now dash away, dash away, no time to roam!”
As dry leaves, before a leaf blower fly,
when they meet with an air blast, and flock to the sky,
so up to the house-top these coursers they flew,
with a grocery cart full of produce- and Low Cholesterol too!
And there in a moment, I heard on my roof,
the thumping of Tofurkies, clumsy and uncouth.
As I heaved myself up, then tried to spin around,
down the chimney Low Cholesterol came with a bound.
He was dressed like a farmer, from straw hat to boots,
and his clothes were all covered, with soil and young shoots.
A sack full of groceries, was flung over his shoulder,
and he looked like a hitchhiker, just arriving from Boulder.
His muscles- how they flexed! His skin- how healthy,
his cheeks were like a young man’s, his waist- trim and stealthy!
His fancy running shoes, that he kept tied with tight bows,
with the tread on the bottoms, showing he clearly seldom slows.
He had a happy face, and a flat spot, where I had a belly,
and it hardly shook, when he laughed, at MY bowl full of jelly.
He was hale, and strong, a right healthy looking elf,
and I laugh’d when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye, and a thumbs up he flashed,
soon gave me to know, the visit wasn’t trashed.
He didn’t say jack, just got down to his work,
and fill’d all the pantries, wearing a knowing smirk.
No beef was dropped off, no chicken was gifted,
no pork was involved, no fresh fish was lifted.
Instead fresh produce, and foods that were meatless,
he shared quality grub, helping overcome vegan weakness.
Then suddenly jumping, and signaling “hang loose,”
like a zephyr up the chimney, he practically shoots.
He sprang to his grocery cart, to his Tofurkies gave a shout,
and away they all sped, like in the 10 item or less checkout.
But I heard him exclaim, ere they flew fast as they may,
“Happy Meatless Monday to all, and to ALL a great day!”