After watching 24 solid hours of the Walking Dead this weekend I find myself on full alert for the impending zombie apocalypse. This is a riveting TV series that is one part horror movie, one part soap opera. First we exhausted the two seasons that were available on streaming Netflix. Then we caved in and bought the five episodes from the current season available on streaming Amazon. We devoured every episode in an All You Can Eat style buffet. We filled our plates with gore and gripping cliffhangers until there wasn’t another bite to eat.
We enjoy a cable TV free life but that doesn’t mean we don’t watch TV. Netflix and other internet video options cost us way less money than cable PLUS it’s virtually commercial free. We made it through the main election months thanks to Dr. Who, Tourchwood, Sherlock Holmes and Downton Abbey. We hardly knew who was running or what illegitimate children they fathered/mothered or how often they’d been jailed for tax evasion. It was bliss!
Sadly, that’s all changed now. With the zombie uprising a foregone conclusion I am on heightened alert for the signs that it’s begun. Every time a pedestrian stumbles on the sidewalk my heart races. When I hear news stories I try to read between the lines and find the truth about zombies buried in all the lies. So many lies. So many secret zombie conspiracy cover-ups to uncover.
Obviously I’ve dialed up the cardio as well. When it comes to “long run” situations I do not want to be the slow one picked off by the zombie herd, as explained in this old story with an new undead twist: Two guys are running from a herd of zombies when one guy stops to tie his shoes. The other guy turns in disbelief and says, “That’s not going to keep the undead from running faster than you!” To which the first guy replies, “I don’t need to run faster than the zombies, dear sir, I need to run faster than you.” Then he shoots the second guy in the leg and leaves him as live bait so he and his newly tightened sneakers can escape the horrible death of being caught and devoured by a relentless predator. It’s a zombie-eat-human world out there and only the strong will survive.
The vegan-vegetarian angle is an irony that continues to strike me while watching this gore filled horror TV Series/Tutorial Guide. It changes things a lot when the food chain is restructured. Cows and pigs and chicken are not stupid. It is convenient and easy to assume they are ignorant of the world around them, oblivious to their living conditions, and completely unaware of their fate, but pet owners and animal lovers know there is more consciousness in animals than people readily admit to. So here we have some sentient beings (to some degree or another) that fear death and do everything in their power to avoid it. “Meat animals” try to escape cages, run for freedom, hide behind others, and above all, they try to stay alive as long as possible.
These animals want to avoid death as much as the survivors of a zombie apocalypse. When you look closely at how horrifying it is to be hunted by the undead for food, it isn’t much of a mental leap to think about what the meat industry animals must be going through. They are living a real life zombie apocalypse for their entire, short, scary lives. Unfortunately for them their human predators are much more skilled at the dirty business of finding, growing, harvesting and eating their “prey.” If zombies had the cognitive ability to capture and farm humans then the thought of a world overrun by the walking dead would be vastly more terrifying than it already is.
After the weekend-long crash course, I feel fully prepared to lead a group through a post apocalyptic wasteland to a safe haven where we can defend ourselves and begin to rebuild civilization. You are all welcome to join our fair minded, yet pragmatic group of survivors. The codeword for deployment is Alas Babylon. The initial location meetup will be included in the deployment call. The default location is Blue Springs, near High Springs, FL if no deployment call was possible. It is important be prepared.
Oh, and if you are coming, BYO Bag of Guns…. and stabby things. We aren’t going down without a fight.