Despite my love of technology, I have always loved the feel of a book when I am reading. It has a book smell and it feels like a book. Electronic readers like Kindles and iPads certainly possess a lot of novelty but I’ve always held some reservations when its time for them to live up to the legacy of the paper and ink style book.
Imagine my feigned excitement when Shannon showed me that I could have a Kindle Reader app on my phone that would give me access to all the millions of books she was buying. I probably even gave a faux fist pump that was dripping with sarcasm.
I downloaded a book from a series she was reading called the Black Dagger Brotherhood to see how crummy eReading was. I turned on the book (I mean come on- turned on the book?) ready to complain about the lack of readability and all of the lost joy from not holding and smelling a real book. Two hours later I had become convinced of two things: (1) vampire Harlequin romance novels were are as riveting as they are smutty, and (2) eReaders are a spectacular way to read a book without losing the joy of using 20th Century reading devices.
Since then, my eReader and I have wiped out the lengthy Black Dagger Brotherhood series, as well as the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy, and the Hunger Games trilogy. More recently I have been perusing both Happy Herbivore cookbooks, the Engine 2 Diet book, and the Appetite for Reduction cookbook. Whether fiction or non, I am a fully converted electronic book lover with a credit card attached to my Amazon account. The sky and my bank account are the limit.
Now, I am slowly finishing what seems like a decade-long stretch of reading the Game of Thrones series. These books are large enough to make my phone heavier when I download them. There are currently five giant tomes filled with knights, lords, queens, and a million pages of man’s inhumanity to man. During this span of reading time I noticed an interesting change that took place along with all of the other changes that came from making the transformation to a healthy vegan lifestyle.
Generally speaking, I do most of my reading during bathroom time. No, not when I am shaving, brushing my teeth, using the scale, or looking through the dirty towels for one I can use again without developing a rash. I mean when I am seated upon the toilet.
Thanks in part to coming from a long line of plumbers, I have inherited an affinity for describing what takes place on a toilet. Rather than pepper this post with all of my favorite euphemisms for human defecation I have decided on a more humane solution. At the end of this post I will add a truncated list of pooping synonyms that can be avoided by the squeamish and celebrated by the sickos. You know which you are and can plan accordingly you sick, sick puppy.
Here are the facts, Sherlock: I started the Game of Thrones series while I was deep in the middle of my Atkins style, low carb diet, around three or four months ago. When eating all the cheese and meat you want there is a noticeable lack of fiber and regularity in your life, as I was demonstrating. A lot of time was spent waiting and reading on the throne. I was able read almost through the end of book 4 before things changed.
Now there has been a big difference with this diet of plants and fruit and fiber: I have much less time to read. I am stuck in the eternity that is Book 5. All the exciting plot points are coming together nicely but slowly. The characters are still slowly trekking to their individual pre-written destinies.
I spend such a small amount of time in the bathroom reading now that everything is happening in slow motion. Before I would read multiple chapters in a single sitting and now I have a hard time finishing an entire electronic page before I complete the king’s business with a vengeance. It seems my healthy and properly functioning bowel doesn’t want me to finish this War and Peace style behemoth.
**My favorites as promised: going to the bathroom, taking a poop (insert favorite synonym), dropping off a load, dropping a deuce, taking a sabbatical, doing my research, pinching a loaf, dropping the kids off at the pool, and laying cable. If you would like to learn more about ‘Updating the Captains Log’ you can continue your research at the local library or this very informative site at gastroscout.