Buuuurrrp. Well that was a delicious day of feasting! Yes I did eat a slice of moist, well cooked turkey. I feared that after a bite of meat I might explode into a carnivorous feeding frenzy devouring the entire carcass, bones and all. Instead it was 100% ‘Meh.’ Clouds didn’t part in the heavens allowing the golden light of goodness to illuminate the bite of food. The event was not heralded by a thousand trumpeting cherubs or even a harmonica playing monkey. It was just a bit of turkey. It was painfully similar to the trillions of other bits of millions of other animals I have eaten in the past. If anything, it was less enjoyable because I expected more out of it than it possibly could have delivered. Like Obama.
I also enjoyed a few other no-no’s on the Day of Giving Thanks by Damaging Your Health. Diet soda was my main beverage before the transformation, and it was my favorite guilty pleasure of the day. I had a small amount by old standards, a mere six cans. It helped produce some of the most satisfying and delicious belches. See you again on Christmas Eve dearest artificial sweeteners and carcinogens! Miss you! xoxo
Gravy might be the most sinful thing I enjoyed on Turkey Day. Gravy is pure, concentrated evil. If you drink a glass of orange juice, you are drinking the equivalent of nine oranges except without the fiber and other benefits that come from eating nine oranges. If you have a tablespoon of olive oil you are eating the equivalent of twenty olives without the other nutrients and benefits of eating that many whole olives. The plant based diet gurus agree that concentrated food is bad. This makes gravy the devil.
Gravy uses the turkey drippings which is the nicest way to describe the liquified animal fat, or concentrated turkey, that oozes out of the cooking bird. The other main ingredient is cream. Cream is an abomination all by itself. Without getting into the discussion about humans ingesting the baby food meant for another mammal, let’s just look at the source of all dairy products: cow’s milk. Cream is the concentrated milk fat that floats to the surface of a pail of milk. The pure fat is skimmed off of the top for use in all kinds of delicious and artery clogging recipes… and the best friggin’ coffee in the WORL… no, it is bad. Bad. Speaking of bad, gravy is a mixture of these two forms of concentrated animal fat with a little bleached flour to make it deadly. This explains why it tastes so good on potatoes and green bean casserole and bread and in diet cola.
To celebrate the day after Thanksgiving, I ate fruit all day in an apology to my healing body. It shouldn’t have to endure that kind of setback, but it seemed surprisingly good-natured about the whole ordeal.
Today is another step in the right direction by hitting the farmers market on Green Saturday. We are going to spend money on local businesses and buy foods that are good for us and the planet/population. I hope everyone takes a moment today to dream global, but shop local. Just like a vegetable lifestyle, it is the little steps that get us closer to where we need to be. One day Wal-Mart and gravy will be the embarrassing things we tell our great grandchildren about.