ALERT: Earth Day Set to Collide with Meatless Monday
Using calendars and digital watches, several environmentally conscious astronomers calculated that Earth Day and Meatless Monday would slam together in what some are saying is an “End of Meats” Event. Citizens are urged to remain calm and carry on… and to start a recycling program if they can find the time.
“Nothing can be done at this late stage except to begin soaking lentils, pressing tofu, and seeking out ingredients for green smoothies,” admitted a source close to the International Astronomical and Veg Affairs Council.
Additional sources close to the council have indicated that while both the original source, the council, and even the additional sources themselves are fictional, you’ll find it much more entertaining to just play along.
Earth Day is an annual celebration of humanity’s lifeboat. Together, we twirl in amazing patterns through an expanding universe on our small, blue and green planet. It is easy to get caught up in work schedules, personal drama, and waiting impatiently for BBC to show a new season of Sherlock Holmes. Earth Day is a reminder to each of the 6,973,738,433 (and rising) resident humans to give a nod of thanks to the thinly crusted ball of molten rock that supports us. The hope is that this one day of the year will inspire us to keep the Earth Day spirit in our hearts, all the year ’round.
Meatless Monday is a weekly celebration of compassion, environmental stewardship, and health in which participants abstain from eating all meat products on the first day of each week. However, with monumental health benefits and compassion for baby-cows-n-fluffy-chicks aside, the positive environmental impact of Meatless Monday are what turns Earth Day 2013 into a Veg-egeddon.
Usually, these two events occur independently. On their own they cause a disturbance, to be sure, but it is on par with a raucous Arbor Day or maybe a somewhat mild Memorial Day. However this year, with Earth Day landing on the first day of the week while Meatless Monday is already in full swing, experts warn that there will be a convergence; an event in which two gigantic events occupy the same day with often unimaginable consequences.
Not only will all of humanity have a day in which to celebrate Mother Earth, but we will also be able to show our support for her delicate ecology and balance by eating only plant based foods and reducing carbon emissions, our own carbon “foodprint,” and horrible nitrate runoff. We can change the world, simply with what we eat.
We will not see another convergence like this until 2019. It is expected that the survivors will have a chance to rebuild civilization by then. Hopefully without the meat and dairy industry this time.
No single change could impact our planet’s health as much as a global transition to consuming far less meat and other foods derived from animals. The environmental cost of raising animals, transporting animals, slaughtering animals, and distributing meat is just the tip of the melting iceberg when it comes to the environmental imbalance cause by some countries’ meat habit. If a large chunk of the world’s population gave up meat and dairy and eggs entirely, while many more of Earth’s citizens pitched in by simply reducing their intake of these foods, we would see an even bigger environmental impact than if we handed out electric cars like Cracker Jack prizes.
You are urged to have a happy Meatless Earth Monday Day on April 22. You are further encouraged to find a way to thank Earth for all of the surface area that we’ve been able to live on, as well as the air and water that we’ve been able to borrow. I think the best gift would be to find a way to return all that we’ve been given in better shape than when it was loaned to us.